She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
