I think I died a long time ago.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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