1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
