Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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