You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
