It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can't trust your balls anymore.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
