We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
