where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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