the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
