I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
