Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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