Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
