Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
