Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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