she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
