Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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