I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
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