i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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