Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
