i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
