I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
