Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
