I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
