Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
