It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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