if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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