I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
