I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
