He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
