i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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