this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
