How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
