Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
