So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
