I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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