Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
