you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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