did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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