So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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