Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
