I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
