I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
