There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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