Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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