I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
