I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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