Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
