guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
