He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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