wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
