I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
