Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
