I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
