Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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