she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
