we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
