Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
