my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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