I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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