walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
