i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
