I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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