my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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