I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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