Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
