i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
