This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
