how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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