hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
