Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
