Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
