I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Randomize
