you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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