Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
