her facebook's as public as her vagina
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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