I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
