if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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