I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
