Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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