Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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