here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
