Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
