If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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