and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
