I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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