I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
