i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
