Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
