and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
