Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Boobs are out for the taking
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
