i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
